National Signing Day

In reading some of the news regarding “National Signing Day” I recalled my own storied prep career. Here is what the scouting reports said about me back in the day:

“Smith anchored the offensive line on a team that went 5-5 during the regular season (when we say ‘anchored’ we mean he really dragged it down). During his senior year, Smith set a national (possibly international) record for offsides penalties. A review of games films show that Smith had exactly zero pancake-blocks; however Smith is rather fond of pancakes and played with blocks as a child.

Smith stands over 5′ 11” (in cleats) and tips the scales at 160 (when he’s fully clothed, and has a couple of rocks in his pockets). He reportedly can bench press his IQ (which is believed to be 3 digits, as evidenced by a GPA that approaches 2.0 ).

Smith’s physcial attributes have many likening him to legendary prep lineman of the past. One scout remarked: “This kid has the speed of Meat Loaf combined with the size, strength and scruples of Richard Nixon. I’ve never seen anything like him.”

He’s has been tagged as a “can’t miss” prospect as a busboy or a prep cook in college, though some scouts suggest that he has the tools to go both ways.

Smith is part of a large family in which he is described as “The fifth of six accidents,” by his mother.

In his spare time, Smith goes to great lengths to avoid homework, and squanders copious amounts of his youth in the Burger King parking lot (along the Zayre’s wall) and is an aspiring mall rat.”

 

 

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